New country. new scene, hello Gili Air

I flew to Indonesia on the 30th of July, and there began my adventure of beautiful beaches, and lots of sunshine. I headed straight to the Gili Islands- Gili Air to be exact. I took a fast boat that was really not that safe- but did the job and got me to a beautiful paradise island. As I found my hostel- it was to my surprise I had booked a tent to sleep in, not a bamboo dorm as hostelworld had described. I met the owner who was incredibly nice and I felt stupid for saying to him..." I really booked a tent?" He replied "do you have a problem with sleeping in a tent- its not that bad" I decided no, I can totally sleep in a tent I love camping and it isnt like I am spending much time there anyways. Really just to sleep and store my stuff. I encountered another disappointment that first evening on Gili Air. I checked in to my hostel and scurried to the beach because I was hot, and ready for an early evening swim. I arrived at the beach, and was in utter disappointment. The tide was far out and swimming was not going to happen, I walked along the beach around the entire island hoping to find a swimming hole. I sat down for dinner and began writing in my journal. As I reflect back on my writing, I beat myself up pretty bad when I have expectations. I struggle to let go, and just be in the moment. Nothing is ever going to be exactly as I think it should be.

             I ended up extending my stay at this hostel from 3 nights to 7. I found grasshoppers, crickets, spiders, nats, mosqitos and what have you in the tent and just shoo'd them out like it was no big deal. And to many it wouldnt be, but for me thinking about sleeping where bugs are crawling makes my skin crawl- but I did it anyways. For 7 days. Sleeping in a tent also meant no wifi and no plug in's for my electronics. Here began the change once again- and a pretty drastic change. My phone and wifi can be pretty comforting and distracting. I managed to adapt pretty quickly and enjoyed it. Not waking up and checking facebook while still in bed was nice. Hanging out at the charging station enforced conversations with other travelers which was also nice. I met a group of volunteer english teachers that were teaching on Bali and had come to the Gili's for the weekend. We spent the next few days together snorkeling and relaxing on the beach. I connected with a few of the girls and have now stayed in contact with them since seperating. I continue to fall in love with the new people I meet and become friends with. We share similar thoughts, aspirations, goals, and dreams. Saying goodbye becomes easier because you know its not goodbye- it's an opportunity to say hello again someday.

     I think I have written this before, and probably will again. I am getting used to meeting people and before I know it saying goodbye. It is a part of traveling but you begin to wonder why? Why am I meeting this person- only to have to let go so quick? Is it the lesson of embracing the moment, enjoying the company for what it is and then allowing it to leave- one of the teachings of Buddhism that continues to come up for me. Attatchement can lead to suffering, so maybe these brief encounters are teaching us how to love the moment, stay in the moment with each other- appreciate that moment & allow it to slowly dissapate as quickly as it appeared. With out pain & regret, and maintaining hope that a reunion , a new connection will come again. Am I meeting little pieces, and different versions of myself? Does the energies of our soul bring us together from opposite sides of the world? If nothing else, the human connection- even for a short time- reminds me we are all one.

We have the sun, the moon, and the world between our fingers, and in a snap we sparkle like the stars.

Blissful yours,
Alicia Rose

Lost in the storm

My adventures in China Town, Bangkok....

On the same day I met the nice gentlemen on the bus, I also was immersed and lost in the MBK mall that is absolutely, ridiculously, insanely to big with way to much stuff for sale. It is absurd. I made my way out of the mall, and headed for China Town. It was early evening at this point, I walked and walked and eventually found China Town. I could tell by the red lanterns and the Chinese lettering on buildings and restaurants. Each side street had food stalls and eventually I found an excellent place to eat at. What caught my attention is the giant flames the chef was producing and the show he was putting on. Mind you this is a street vendor, their display of veggies and meats were delicious looking and you could tell this place attracted lots of locals and tourists. I grabbed a seat and ordered some grilled squid :). While I waited (quite a long time) I watched the show of his cooking techniques. I noticed a photo hanging of the chef and his crew on what appeared to be some show. I snapped a picture of the name of the food stall. Eventually I got my dinner and just as I did the torrential down pour of Bangkok began. Luckily I was covered, but part of the chef's cooking area was not, the crew scrambled to pull out the covers and get everything situated. Here you have to just expect rain, and lots of it. I finished and headed down the main drag dodging into doorways to escape the rain. I ended up in a doorway with a few locals, and a British man who lived in Bangkok. We chatted and all shared sticky mango rice while watching all the food stalls continue to try to sell deserts and snacks in the pouring rain. That is something I have noticed here in Thailand, they are the hardest workers I have ever seen. They can sell you anything, and will if you fall prey. But they also never stop working, rain or shine, customers or not. I decided I would be waiting all night for the rain to go away so I caught a Tuk Tuk and began making my way back to my hostel. I was on the complete other side of town so it was quite the ride in the thunder and lightening and down pour. I had asked the driver to take me to Ko San road because I knew my hostel was near there. When we arrived I explained to him that I did not recognize where I was and we both attempted to locate my hostel on a paper map and my phone. The problem was my hostel was not showing up on the map and I could not figure out the exact street it was on on the paper map. He drove me around for a bit trying to help me but eventually he had to drop me off. I got out and panicked. I looked around and around and felt so completely lost and afraid. I was in a dress, in the pouring down rain, the street was lit up with white christmas lights on the trees. The thunder would smack and the lightening would strike and the I stood there sobbing. Like a scene from a movie. It was a moment of weakness followed by a moment of growth. I mean, I couldn't just stand there and cry in hopes someone rescued me.  This was a moment I had to grow up and figure it out. So I did, I walked down some really sketchy alley ways, dark and empty roads. I hadn't felt fear walking alone at night in Thailand until now, though I think it was fused by the fear of not finding my hostel and then enhanced by the fact that I was in Bangkok, and not a smaller city. I rescued myself, I grew up a little bit that night and all it took was a change of mind set and some walking around until I began to recognize streets. I determined that the driver had dropped me off on the opposite side of Koh San road that I had not yet been to. Thus why I didn't recognize anything. I made it to my room, my very dirty hostel (stains-not actual dirt) and though it appeared displeasing I was very comforted to be there. I watched the lightening from the roof that night and the bats fly above my head. My room was on the top floor with an opening to the roof where I could go and watch the storms each night. I reflected- I felt weak for crying and panicking- yet I felt strong for pushing through and figuring it out. Even though I really had no choice but too figure it out.  I don't think that takes a lot of strength but its something you learn to do while traveling. You get in situations and have no choice but too figure out how to get through them. Stop, breathe, pray, and think clearly and logically.

Blissfully yours,
Alicia

The man on the bus

While I was in Bangkok, I decided to take the water taxi's and skytrain around the city just to explore. I had heard about a huge mall called MBK and wanted to check that out as well. I began my day wandering around the city. Eventually I hopped on a free city bus that was supposed to take me to the skytrain per my directions on my phone. Well, I have learned that GPS on our phones are just not reliable in foreign countries like they are back home. The bus driver was very helpful and told me which stop I needed to get off at and which bus I needed to get on. Something wonderful about this was I felt no anxiety, nor did I panic- although I was on a bus with only locals. Not a single foreigner, and I can only assume most of them did not speak any English, along with the bus driver. But I found myself in a state of "I feel okay, not freaked out, not scared" I may be lost, but who cares? While I was in this moment of "calmness" and trying to pay attention to where I was outside of the bus a man came and sat behind me and began asking me where I was heading. He spoke decent English, and appeared to be genuinely wondering- not creepy or weird. I shared I was headed to MBK but was exploring the city. He proceeded to tell me he will get off with me and take me on the skytrain to show me how to ride it. As hesitant as I was to accept I did. I did not get any weird feelings, I trust my gut and it was not giving me any alerts here. We got off the bus and walked to board the skytrain, he explained the different fees and how to pay (its not as simple as you think at first). He showed me the map- where we were and where I was headed- which stop to get off at. He said we could pay the fee of 22THB and ride the skytrain through out the city. Takes about an hour but you can see all of Bangkok from above, and so we did. He asked where I was from, I shared with him the United States. He shared he had lived in Florida for 4 or 6 years for school- he has a degree in computer science. That is where he learned English. Eventually we had to get off the skytrain, and get back on to go the other direction. He asked me if I was going to get something to eat and unfortunately because I am extra cautious I lied and said I was meeting a friend at the mall. He eventually got off the skytrain to head home, and I headed to the mall. I could not help but think about if I was a male, I could have spent the afternoon with a local, getting the experience I have been longing for on this trip. I could have let this gentlemen show me around the city, take me to eat where locals eat, maybe meet his family or friends. If I was a male I would have felt much more comfortable in this situation. But because I am a young, solo, female I have to protect myself and stay smart. Part of staying smart is avoiding situations that could seem harmless and quickly turn dangerous. IT SUCKS! I am sure he was harmless, I never got a weird feeling. The locals in Thailand love to help, or at least it is perceived that they love to help foreigners. Every time I have been lost, someone helps me the best they can. I truly believe he was just being nice and helpful and wanted to show a foreigner around the city. I couldn't help but continue to think about how frustrating it is to be a solo female traveler when seeking experiences that are off the beaten path. Outside of the touristy places, in the villages and depths of neighborhoods most foreigners wouldn't venture too. How does a female get to those experiences without putting herself in danger? Or is it worth the risk and one hopes for the best? I am writing this blog about 3 weeks after this incident actually happened and I still contemplate this, and wonder if I am allowing the fear of danger prevent me from getting the experiences I am longing for. I have little to no interest in the touristy stuff as I continue to travel, I want the raw, unfiltered cultural experience.

Learning to dance in the rain

I am bummed I have gotten so far behind in my blogging, even though I have been keeping up in my moleskin journal. My last 10 days in Thailand were full of growth, journeys, and of course emotions. Ayuttahya, Thailand was a beautiful town, I absolutely loved it there. If I was to get sick anywhere, I was glad it was there. I made a wonderful new friend from Ireland- but originally from France- Mary-Laur, as well as met up with a new friend that lives there who gave me so much assistance and advice. I got to explore the ruins and the beautiful temples that scatter the grounds. I was invited to an elementary school with my friend Judith to watch her teach English. The kids were so adorable and sweet and well behaved. They are so appreciative of learning, especially English. The girls adored me and I fell in love with a whole new aspect of travel. The ability to contribute to the society I am traveling in. Teaching English has now become an option and a possibility I may choose to embark on at some point. Not only for the ability to live in a foreign country, but to teach cute little kids and venture down an avenue I had never once considered. Mary-Laur and I had a lot of great conversations and formed a bond that I will forever remember. She kept me company as well as really made sure I was okay while I was sick. I am becoming so grateful for the people I am meeting on this journey, the opportunity to hear others stories and relate. Something I wrote in my journal while wide awake at 2am as I was getting better: "I often think how crazy it is that I am in Thailand, I am traveling Southeast Asia alone. Even though I am not really alone. Creator is always with me, as well I continue to meet wonderful strangers traveling, exploring, and growing just like me. I am often exploring by myself- yet when I am open and receptive I find I meet others easily. I experience a lot of the hardest times in my own head-it tells me I can't do this, I am not doing it right- I fall prey to these thoughts and begin wanting to come home. Wanting to escape the difficult times and go back to comfort. Similar to recovery- when I stopped using and began doing the work shit got painful. I never gave up- I continued one day at a time. My grandpa used to tell me- sometimes we have to take it one minute at a time. Sometimes while traveling all you can do is take it one minute at a time. Develop the ability to stay present, in the moment, and embrace everything- utilizing all my senses and just be. Being in a constant state of uncomfortability-slight confusion- and lost is something I am learning to cope with."

Mary- Laur and I both ventured to Bangkok together as she knew I was pretty nervous to head there solo. That is where we went seperate ways.

                                                             Ruins in Ayuttahya

Mary-Laur and I in Bangkok!

You begin to cope with goodbyes- which are never really goodbyes- you begin to understand how to enjoy a friendship without becomming attatched to prevent suffering and embrace it for all that it is.

Hello Bangkok! I faced another fear- being in Bangkok- and it really was not all that bad. I had a taxi drop me of near Koh San Road to find a hostel. I found a place luckily and got one night- the price you pay for not booking ahead is wandering towns in the heat with your bag hoping for clean sheets and a decent bathroom at a decent price. I was sleeping in a dorm for my first time on this trip a 14-bed female dorm. It wasnt as exciting as I thought it would be. I explored Koh San road which is crazy- so much tourism- so many people- so much crap to buy. Something I am beginning to notice is the amount of "stuff" or in other words junk that is for sale. They sell EVERYTHING. The following morning I met 2 travelers from the states that I would end up spending the day with. We rode water taxis and navigated our way to the laying Buddha. As we were headed to another temple the rain began- and boy did it pour. The drops are huge, the rain is heavy, and there aren't many places to hide. Ahad- one of the travelers I was with- and I decided to make light of the unfortunate situation and we began to dance in the rain. I laughed so much, I had never truely danced in the rain- or I have it has just been many years since I have and really enjoyed it. Letting go of worrying what was to come next, how would I dry off, if I would be cold. We just danced away the worries of the storm. Isn't there a quote about this?

 "Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

A panoramic view of the storm beginning in Bangkok.

The next few days were spent exploring Bangkok on my own- riding water taxi's, getting lost, visitng giant shopping malls and just getting a taste of Bangkok. I slept in a really dirty hostel near Koh San Road, but it was cheap. Thunder and lightening storms put me to sleep each night, the loudest thunder I have ever heard, and giant purple lightening strikes. I met a gentlement on a bus that would teach me how to ride the skytrain and I got lost at night in a storm that brought me to tears of fear and panick. I will write a blog about those two events to describe them more thoroughly. I spent a total of 4 days in Bangkok which was enough for me. I will go back and explore, there is so much to see and do there. Bangkok is like cake, you have a little piece to enjoy its taste- but if you have to much it becomes overwhelming and sickening.... ;0)

I overcame another fear- even hit a meeting while there. I am beginning to see my fears are all in my head- I create them and intensify them and if I allow them to control what I do, my experiences and my life will be controlled by fear and limitation will remain. I seek a life with no limitations- especially ones created in my own head.

Blissfully yours,
Alicia